Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
