i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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