There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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