i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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