don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
