oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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