not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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