Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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