that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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