I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
did i walk over a car last night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
