Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize