i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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