I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
