so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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