I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
