I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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