just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
