mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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