we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
