the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
