from now on my penis is your penis
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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