He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
