It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No more Irish car bombs ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
