Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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