At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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