i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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