Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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