Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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