I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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