True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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