Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
