The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
