you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
