Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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