hotel room ftw
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
