We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
