Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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