OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
