If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
