Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
