I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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