I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
