My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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