Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
