idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
