So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
