I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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