Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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