He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
