i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
