I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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