you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
