Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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