You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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