I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
