were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
