First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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