He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize