dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
