Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
