I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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