hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
